Section 3: REUNIFICATION AFTER RELEASE: AN OVERVIEW
Incarcerated parents who have been able to
maintain contact with their children, through
visits, phone calls and/or letters, will have a
smoother time reuniting with their children after
release. If you have been able to maintain or
establish a positive relationship with your child’s
caregiver, this too will serve you well. But even if
your contact has been limited, or dissatisfactory,
you will have an opportunity to reconnect once
you return home.
It is important to remember that everyone’s
greatest concern should be the “best interests of
the child”. We believe that, in most cases, a
child’s best interest includes being able to
maintain a lifelong relationship with his or her
parents, incarcerated or not. However, this does
not mean that it is in a child’s best interest to be
moved from one home to another immediately
upon a parent’s release from prison or jail.
Children may have school or daycare routines that
ought not be disrupted. At the same, time, a
formerly incarcerated person may have a lot of
work to do to reestablish him or herself, with a
home, a job, etc.
It is not uncommon for a returning parent
to want immediate custody of his or her child,
while a caregiver has a different opinion.
Everyone’s circumstances are unique, but a middle
ground approach may be the best. Limited
visiting that starts immediately can be expanded
over time, as everyone gets comfortable with the
new routine. A child should not be the subject of
a legal tug-of-war. Instead, loving adults can
cooperate with each other to make sure that the
child’s needs are met. Raising children is a lot of
work. Ideally, you and your child’s caregiver can
find a way to work together and develop a sensible
arrangement of custody and visitation.
Section 4: GETTING AN INFORMAL VISITING SCHEDULE
Before you try to get a court order for
visiting, we recommend that you first try to get an
informal visiting arrangement by agreement with
the caregiver. This is a good time to express your
appreciation to the caregiver for his or her efforts
in caring for your child while you are not available
to do so yourself. The caregiver of your child may
be more receptive to your friendly call or letter
than to being served with legal papers. Keep in
mind that a court is going to place great weight on
the caregiver’s opinion about your child and you;
you will likely be better off approaching the
caregiver in a reasonable manner than by being
angry or confrontational. Filing legal papers takes
a lot of work; if you can get visits without it, you
ought to try. If this effort is not successful, you
will have learned something about the caregiver’s
position. You will also be able to inform the court
that your informal efforts have failed.
We suggest that you start slowly, with
shorter visits in the caregiver’s home or a familiar
place nearby. Over time, the length and frequency
of your visits can increase, as your child and his
caregiver become more comfortable with your
presence in their lives. Everyone’s situation is
different. If you had been the primary caregiver
before your incarceration, you maintained a
relationship with your child while you were away,
and you have a stable home to return to, the
caregiver may be quite willing to transfer custody
back to you in a relatively short period of time. At
the other end of the spectrum, if you had little
contact with your child before and during your
incarceration, it may be more difficult to develop a
strong connection upon your release. In all cases,
respect for the caregiver and your child’s current
life will help you show that you are sensitive to
their feelings.
In addition to visits, you can make other
requests of the caregiver, such as allowing you to
phone your child, allowing you and your child to
write to each other, giving you photos of your
child, as well as report cards, school and art work,
keeping you informed about school progress,
medical issues and other major concerns, and
consulting with you about important decisions.