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EQ @ Home or School

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DS1.1: Getting to Know You

Big question: What do you think is the secret

to happiness?

Philosophers, poets, adults, and children

have all pursued the secret to happiness. Is it

money? Is it “success”? Is it love? Is it ice

cream? Is it unlimited gaming/streaming? What

brings an authentic sense of joy and

contentment?...

There are many answers to this big question

but one consistently stands out above the rest:

meaningful relationships.

Researchers throughout the decades and

world continue to confirm this finding. In a

recent study from Germany

1

, researchers

examined three tracks to happiness:

a) Social engagement (e.g., time with

friends/family, helping others)

b) Individual goals (e.g., a better job,

healthy eating)

c) No plans (e.g., “Everything is fine as is.”)

People who cited socially engaged goals like

making plans with friends or teaching someone

a new skill showed higher levels of life

satisfaction than people with self-focused or no

goals.

So, another big question: How do you have

social engagement in a time of “social

distancing”?

Good question! And a big challenge for all of

us these COVID-19 days.

In another groundbreaking study on

happiness and relationships, a Harvard research

group tracked 268 men from their childhood

through adulthood. They too confirmed that

relationship quality

surpassed all other

variables on the life satisfaction scale (e.g.,

money, job, social class, intelligence). Director

of that study, Dr. George Vaillant, concluded:

“There are two pillars of happiness. One is

love. The other is finding a way of coping with

life that does not push love away.”

2

Did you get that?... Vaillant is saying that

not only are relationships important, but

overcoming obstacles that can hurt

relationships

(e.g., distance or conflict)

is also

equally important.

The old adage,

“Love never fails”

means even—and

especially—in

adversity, our care,

concern, and connection to others continue.

If you’ve felt bored or lonely or adrift

during COVID-19 days, chances are many of

your friends, classmates, and family members

have felt similarly.

By reaching out to others, you are boosting

their “life satisfaction scale” while also

reinforcing your own.

“Happiness isn’t

something you chase

after; it’s what follows

you when you’re on

the right path.”

– Julea Douglass

1

Rohrer, et al., (2018). Successfully Striving for Happiness: Socially Engaged Pursuits Predict Increases in Life Satisfaction. Psychological Science. 29.

2

Vaillant, G., (2015). Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the Harvard Grant Study. Belknap Press.

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DS1.1: Getting to Know You

(cont’d)

In the video, Coach Rudy introduced the term “emotional intelligence,” also known as “EQ.” What

are some skills associated with EQ?

(You can refer back to the video and/or search for “emotional

intelligence” online.)

REFLECTION:

Coach Rudy referenced the quote “Life is all about relationships. The rest is just details.”

What does this quote mean to you? And how might it apply to your life?

How have COVID-19 restrictions affected your relationships (for better or for worse)? Think about

relationships with friends, family, teachers, and others.

How can you connect more with others while still being careful about COVID-19 social distancing?

APPLICATION:

FRIENTERVIEWS

Reach out to at least three classmates, and try to find the most “uncommon thing you have in common.”

For instance, liking pizza is a something a lot of people have in common, but two people having a turtle

or both being from another state or both having more than four brothers and sisters is less common.

Keep asking each classmate questions until you can find the most unusual/uncommon thing you both

share. The more classmates you ask, the more likely you are to find something unique. There may be a

prize from your teacher for the most original answer.

Classmate #1:

Classmate #4:

Classmate #7:

Classmate #2:

Classmate #5:

Classmate #8:

Classmate #3:

Classmate #6:

Classmate #9:

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DS1.2: Checking In with Ourselves and Others

Emojis are a big part of current culture—we

“

👍like” something, we “❤LOVE” something,

we’re “happy

😀,” “sad 😥,” or “mad!😡.”

With our cell phones, it’s easy to choose an

emotion and integrate it into our conversations.

We’re content to know our friends/family are

happy or love us and alerted if someone is sad,

mad, or

👎.

But what about that “next level” of

emotional expression?

As a toddler, you just

needed those basic emotions to get what you

needed, but now, as a teenager, your life and

your emotional needs are more complicated

and more sophisticated.

Check out the emotions vocabulary list in this

handout. Chances are, there’s a word that’s a

better fit for your current feelings than just

“happy” or “sad.”

Understanding and tapping into our own

emotional state and well-being is a newer

theory in scientific

literature. While

philosophers and

psychologists

have historically

explored how

emotions affect

the human

experience, it

wasn’t until the

1990s that

psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer

first to coin the phrase

“emotional intelligence

(EQ).”

From there, a whole new emphasis on

“social emotional learning (SEL)” and “positive

psychology” bloomed and took root within

education and human consciousness around

the world.

But why? Why is emotional intelligence

important to the human experience?

Turns out, study after study confirm people

with better EQ abilities outperform those

with lower EQ levels in school, the workplace,

relationships, and overall satisfaction in life.

4-6

People who are able to recognize and soothe

their emotions are better able to focus during

a test or resolve a disagreement with a friend

or bounce back from setbacks. With emotional

awareness and management, youth and adults

can gain mastery over stressful situations and

turn conflicts into opportunities to strengthen

rather than damage relationships. This

emotional adaptability makes it significantly

easier to navigate the challenges and choices

of school, work, and life.

Emotional

Intelligence:

“The ability to monitor

one’s own and others’

feelings and emotions,

to discriminate among

them and to use this

information to guide

one’s thinking and

actions.”

3

– Peter Salovey

& John Mayer

3

Salovey, P., & Mayer, J.D. (1989-90). Emotional Intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9, 3, 185-211, pg. 189.

4

Goleman, D. (1994). Emotional Intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam Books

5

Goleman, D. (1998). Working with Emotional Intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam Dell.

6

Houston, E., (2020). The Importance of Emotional Intelligence. Positive Psychology.com Retrieved from

https://positivepsychology.com/importance-of-emotional-intelligence/

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DS1.2: Checking In with Ourselves and Others

(cont’d)

But wait—how do we develop and improve

our EQ?

Emotional intelligence, as originally defined

by Salovey and Mayer, starts with three skillsets

that can be improved upon with practice:

1) Understanding emotions in oneself

2) Understanding emotions in others

3) Using emotional understanding in self

and others to guide thoughts and actions

That might sound easy, but the term

“understanding” is multi-faceted. When it

comes to understanding emotions, it means

being truly aware of what

emotion or combination of

emotions you and/or someone

else may be feeling at that

time. Additionally, it means

knowing what might have sparked that

emotion(s) and then how to de-escalate strong

emotions if needed.

We will build up to de-escalating emotions in

later lessons, but for this lesson, the first step

toward emotional intelligence is recognizing

what emotion(s) you are feeling and why.

Developing

emotional granularity

—the ability

to put feelings into words with a high degree of

specificity and precision—can equip and

empower you. As Coach Rudy and others have

said,

“You have to name it to tame it.”

Recognizing and even befriending your

emotions will give you a greater sense of

perspective and control over feelings and

situations that can seem overwhelming.

To ramp up your emotional granularity

skills, start by self-assessing the physical

sensations and the thoughts that usually

coincide with emotions. For instance, “worried”

feels different from “terrified.” Both stem from

a form of fear, but “worried” is more of a sense

of agitation and unsettlement. Whereas,

“terrified” can trigger a physical and emotional

jolt to run for safety. Your heart starts beating

faster, your adrenaline is pumping, and your

mind is racing for a safe solution.

“Mad,” on the other hand, prompts a

different set of physical reactions and thoughts.

For some people, being mad might feel like a

call to action, whereas for others, it is a time to

withdraw and be on your own. Each of us feels

and responds to emotions differently, but there

are common threads that help define and

differentiate between emotions.

As you expand your emotional vocabulary,

you will also expand your ability to recognize

and respond to your own and others emotional

cues. Like the dashboard on your car, you’ll

start to read key indicators that will help you

find your way and reach your goals.

“You have

to feel

to heal.”

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DS1.2: Checking In with Ourselves and Others

(cont’d)

APPLICATION:

Developing emotional granularity (the ability to put feelings into words with a high degree

of specificity and precision) requires expanding your emotional vocabulary. Do your best to match three

words from the Emotions Vocabulary List with each one of the seven basic emotions below.

EMOTIONS VOCABULARY LIST:

afraid

amazed

astounded

bewildered

content

disappointed

disrespect

disliking

furious

frustrated

grateful

grief

hateful

heated

joyous

melancholy

repulsed

sickened

squeamish

terrified

worried

SEVEN BASIC EMOTIONS:

Anger

____________________

Fear

____________________

Sadness

____________________

Happiness

____________________

Contempt

____________________

Surprise

____________________

Disgust

____________________

Choose

one to three emotions

that best describe how you are feeling today, and explain why. If you don’t

see your emotion(s) on the list above, you can add your own.

EMOTION:

WHY?

(Why do you think you are feeling this?)

1)

à

2)

à

3)

à

REFLECTION:

In the video, Coach Rudy talked about emotions and said, “You have to name it to

tame it.” What do you think he meant by this, and why is it important?

furious

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DS1.3: Moving from Surviving to Thriving

In Video 3, Coach Rudy talks about moving

from

“surviving to thriving.”

When COVID-19

first emerged in March 2020, we—students,

teachers, administrators, parents—were all

caught off guard and unprepared. Now, months

later, we have learned new ways to adapt to the

stress and uncertainty of COVID-19 days.

Schools have developed new ways to educate

and support students at school and/or from a

distance. And students have had more time to

get used to social distancing and, in some

cases, remote/online learning.

Now that we know better, it’s time to do

better. And that often starts with

“proactive self-

advocacy,”

meaning

planning ahead to

set yourself up for

success and asking

for help or support

if you need it.

Guaranteed

that the teachers,

counselors, and

administrators at

your school want

you to be successful and will do what they can

to help you meet your needs to understand your

schoolwork and feel comfortable in your

learning environment.

That said,

they have to know what your

needs are to be able to know how to help.

As

you self-assess your situation, consider:

à What is holding you back from

thriving?

à What did you not have last spring

(when COVID-19 school closing

started) that you need this schoolyear?

As you identify your needs, identify who/what

will help you navigate the opportunities,

choices, and challenges of SY2020-21.

REFLECTION:

What do you need to be successful this schoolyear (can include technology, WiFi, study

space, study strategies, academic supports, social-emotional supports)? Name at least three.

Which adult(s) on your campus and in your home or community can help you problem-solve your needs?

Name at least one adult at school and one adult outside of school.

Proactive:

To prepare for,

intervene, or control an

unexpected occurrence,

especially a negative for

difficult one

Self-Advocacy:

The act of pleading for,

supporting, or making

recommendations for

oneself

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