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DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
YOUR GUIDE TO THE FATHER SITUATION
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
REALLY?
So you’re going to be a father? Or maybe you already are a father, but you have another
child on the way? Congratulations! You will be one of the two most important people in
someone’s life. You and the mother of the baby will be loved and needed in more ways
than you will know.
Don’t freak out! This can be one of the best times in your life. In this book we’ll take
a look at all things fatherhood. You have a big job even before the baby is born. If you
have worries or doubt about the pregnancy, this book will help. Hopefully, you will also
see that playing an active part in the pregnancy with your partner will help the baby be
healthy after delivery.
SO...
Your future fatherhood may not have sunk in
yet. But you might as well get a grip on it now!
Things get crazy, but when your daughter or son
reaches up to you and wants you to pick her up
out of her crib? Well, you’ll be smiling and it will
have really sunk in.
GOT BABY?
That bundle of joy will touch your
heart and you will be proud of what
your child will do, the joy she inspires
in you and the tough times that you’ll
face together.
What about you, Dad?
READY?
Let's do this thing.
DISCLAIMER. This book provides general information about pregnancy and prenatal issues. This
information does not constitute medical advice and is not intended to be used as a solitary reference on
the subject matter, for the diagnosis or treatment of a health problem, or as a substitute for consulting a
licensed health care professional. Consult with a qualified physician or health care practitioner to discuss
specific individual issues or health needs, and to professionally address personal, emotional, health,
physical or medical concerns.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
TABle of contents
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
"WE'RE PREGNANT!"
2
THE RANGE OF FEelings
3
SEEING THE SIGNS
4
MISSION: DEFINITION
6
IN THE BEGINNING
9
CHANGE UP!
12
ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE
14
FEELINGS
18
PROBLEMS IN PREGNANCY
21
PRENATAL MYTH BUSTING
24
FIVE MISTAKES AND HOW
NOT TO MAKE THEM
25
DOWN THE HOME STRETCH
26
GOING THE DISTANCE
27
STAND AND DELIVER
28
DAY ONE AND ON
32
Your Guide to the Father Situation
SAFETY FIRST AND FOREMOST
35
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
2
“WE’RE
PREGNANT!”
When you first heard those words you likely
had a wide range of feelings, from “Yikes!”to
“Yeah!” and everything in between.
Both Scary and Merry
You probably remember when you found out about the pregnancy. This is something that
most dads don’t forget. Most likely you had some mixture of joy and fear, maybe even some
confusion or anger. Some dads-to-be are happy right away, but then as the day goes on they
may think, “Hey, I’m not sure that’s how I would have planned it!” It’s okay if your feelings go
back and forth. This news is a life changer and it’ll affect everything you do from here on out.
So the mixed bag of feelings is expected when you’re expecting.
Your Feelings Matter
How are you feeling about this news? It’s okay to ask yourself that question and see where
your head is on the matter.
Mixed feelings are normal and healthy. Finding out about a pregnancy is not always like in the
movies or on TV shows or in commercials. There are a lot of things to think through.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
3
THE RANGE OF Feelings
Sad?
Excited?
Nervous?
Totally
Freaked Out?
Worried?
Confused?
Ecstatic?
Upset?Mad?
Happy?
You Can Do This
If anyone can do it, YOU CAN!
With planning and reading about being a good
partner and dad, you can be great at both!
Remember that you aren’t alone. EVERY new
father goes through these feelings. You want
to learn to be a good dad. That isn’t going to
be easy, but armed with some tools and info,
you’ll be able to handle that and all your new
responsibilities.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
4
SEEING THE
SIGNS
What are some of the signs that your wife or
girlfriend may be pregnant?
MISSED PERIOD
TENDER BREASTS
NAUSEA/UPSET STOMACH
TIREDNESS
Pregnancy tests at the store and at the doctor’s
office are pretty exact. They detect a hormone
in the urine that is called HCG, which is only in
a woman’s body when she is pregnant.
What? Pregnant?!
I Didn't Know!
How could she have missed that? Believe
it or not, there are times when a woman
does not know she’s pregnant until she is
further along.
SHE’S ALREADY
HALFWAY THROUGH
THE PREGNANCY? I JUST
FOUND OUT!
If the mother of the baby found out late or did not tell you until some time
had gone by, that’s okay. This is usual too.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
5
REMEMBER THIS
It can be hard even for a pregnant woman to
believe that she is pregnant.
She may not have known how to tell you.
Her feelings might be equally mixed and there
is likely a whole bunch of fear.
She needs you to take some time and accept
the fact that she’s pregnant.
WebMD’s 8 Early Signs
of Pregnancy:
webmd.com/baby/features/8-early-
signs-of-pregnancy
REMEMBER THIS ESPECIALLY
You both are in this together, so SUPPORT is the key.
Let her know you’re there for her. You have her back!
Talk about your feelings and your fears.
Go to doctor appointments with her.
Talk with her family if you’re comfortable with them.
Share what you have learned about pregnancy with her.
Share what you have learned about being a new dad with her.
Tell her what kind of dad you want to be.
Talk it out…
work it out!
Support one
another and
start the
pregnancy
out on all
positive notes.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
6
MISSION: DEFINITION
Before we get too far into the discussion, it might
be a good time to define some key words in the
early part of the process of a baby’s development.
Braxton Hicks
contractions
Brax-ton-Hix-con-
TRACK-shuns
Also known as false labor or practice contractions, these
contractions in the uterus are usually felt during the second
or third trimester of pregnancy, preparing the body for
actual contractions.
Cesarean
delivery
(C-section)
Sess-AIR-ee-un A surgical procedure in which incisions are made through
a woman’s abdomen and uterus to deliver her baby.
Embryo
EM-bree-oh
The unborn baby in the earliest stages
up until the third month of pregnancy,
then referred to as a fetus.
Epidural
anesthesia
Ep-ih-DUR-ull an-
ess-THEE-szuh
An anesthetic injection into the spinal canal to block pain
and feeling during delivery.
Fertile
Fer-tul Able to conceive and bear offspring.
Fetus
FEE-tuss
The unborn baby in the womb after the third
month of pregnancy.
Gestation
Jes-TAY-shun The period of time from conception to birth.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
7
Gynecology
Guy-nuh-COL-uh-
gee
The branch of medicine concerned with the health of the
female reproductive organs and their diseases.
Induction/
Inducing
In-DUC-shun/
in-DOO-sing
Using medication to start labor.
Miscarriage
MISS-care-idge The loss of an embryo or fetus before the 20th week of
pregnancy. Most miscarriages occur during the first 14 weeks.
Obstetrician
Ob-steh-TRISH-an A physician who delivers babies who practices obstetrics,
the science of managing pregnancy, labor and the time
immediately after delivery.
Pelvic
PEL-vick
Relating to the pelvis, the basin-shaped
structure of the vertebrate skeleton, that
rests on the lower limbs and supports
the spinal column.
Postpartum
depression
Post-par-tum Moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has
given birth.
Preemie
PREE-mee A baby born early, between weeks 20 and 37. Short for
‘premature.’
Pregnant
PREG-nent The state of carrying a developing fetus within the body.
Prenatal
Pree-NAY-tul Occurring before birth; during or relating to pregnancy.
Preterm labor
Pree-term LAY-ber Labor before the thirty-seventh week of pregnancy.
Trimester
TRI-mes-ter A period of three months, especially as a division of time
during a pregnancy.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
Ultrasound
UL-tra-sound
Sound waves that allow a view of a developing fetus in
the womb.
Uterus
YOO-ter-us
The organ in the lower body of a woman
where offspring are conceived and in
which they grow before birth; the womb.
American Pregnancy Association: Labor & Birth Terms to Know
americanpregnancy.org/labor-and-birth/labor-and-birth-terms-to-know/
8
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
9
IN THE BEGINNING
EVERY WOMAN IS
DIFFERENT AND HER
JOURNEY IS TOO
At first your girlfriend or
wife might feel perfectly
fine. And hopefully that
will continue. There are
many common pregnancy
symptoms she’ll start to
have. These are natural
and normal.
The long and short of
pregnancy symptoms:
1
Feeling queasy, nauseous, sick to her stomach
2
Quick to feel tired
3
Clothes start to fit differently
4
Breasts feel fuller
5
Her feelings will run low and high
1
2 3
4
5
DOCTOR, M.D., PHYSICIAN, “DOC!”
A lot of visits to the doctor are needed, but think of him or her
as your baby’s health coach. These visits are a great time for
you to learn about the pregnancy, and it lets you be a part of the
experience. It’s always better to have someone go with you to the
doctor for any reason, and especially during a pregnancy. Before
the visit, you can talk to your partner about questions you both
have. After the visit, you can talk about what the doctor told
you and any plans of action for you as a family and the baby.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
10
SO WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
On the first prenatal visit, the doctor will…
Take the full health history of the mother-to-be.
Ask about the medical history of both of your families.
Ask about any health problems the mother may have.
Perform a medical exam.
Perform a pelvic exam.
Let you hear the baby’s heartbeat, if developed enough.
Do an ultrasound, if needed.
OVARY
CERVIX
VAGINA
UTERUS
At different times in the pregnancy, the mother’s doctor will need to run special types of
tests. These might be to test her health or the baby’s health.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
11
MUST Do's
See the doctor as early as possible to get
the tests the mother needs.
Keep her regular appointments.
Call the doctor if she thinks something is
wrong or if she doesn’t feel well.
REMEMBER:
WHEN IN DOUBT,
GIVE THE DOCTOR
A SHOUT OUT
TIP-OFF
GET IT ON YOUR SCHEDULE
In the early stages of the pregnancy, the doctor’s visits should be once a month.
Visits should be every two weeks for a while (third trimester).
Visits should be every week for the last month.
If any problems spring up or if she has any diseases like
diabetes or high blood pressure, her doctor will want
to see her more often.
Early Signs of Pregnancy:
americanpregnancy.org/gettingpregnant/earlypregnancysymptoms.html
Pregnancy Symptoms:
webmd.com/baby/guide/pregnancy-am-i-pregnant
First Trimester Tips:
pregnancy.about.com/od/trimesterguide/a/1sttrimester.htm
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
12
CHANGE UP!
The Changes to
the Body of a
Mother-to-Be
CHANGE IS GOOD
Understand that a woman’s body goes through a lot of changes during pregnancy. She’s
supplying a home for a growing human until it’s ready to come out and be a part of the
world. So it’s only natural that a pregnant woman’s body will be different and go through
some changes. Here are a few of those changes:
Her body
temperature
rises by about
a half degree
She gains weight and
her body takes on a
different shape, as her
uterus adapts to the
growing baby
The breasts become
larger as tissues grow,
and hormones fire up the
growth of milk ducts
Her blood
volume
increases,
her heart
beats stronger
and faster
and her lungs
breathe harder
She will tend to urinate
more often as her kidneys
filter extra waste from her
baby through her system
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
13
Changes and
Discomforts
These changes to a pregnant woman’s body can bring about pain
and discomfort. Be on the lookout and help whenever possible.
BODY ACHES
SWELLING
BREAST CHANGES
VARICOSE VEINS
DIZZINESS
CONSTIPATION
FATIGUE, SLEEP
PROBLEMS
MORNING SICKNESS
STRETCH MARKS & SKIN CHANGES
LEG CRAMPS
FREQUENT URINATING, LEAKING
HEARTBURN & INDIGESTION
HEMORRHOIDS
ITCHING
NUMB OR TINGLING HANDS
NASAL PROBLEMS
Healthline: How “Baby” Changes the Body: See the Power of Pregnancy - See more at:
healthline.com/health/pregnancy/body-changes-infographic
LiveScience: Blossoming Body: 8 Odd Changes That Happen During Pregnancy:
livescience.com/16937-body-pregnancy.html
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
14
ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE
The Stages of Pregnancy
FORTY WEEKS OF WONDER
It helps to think of pregnancy as
having different stages. Pregnancies
last nine months, but doctors
need to talk about pregnancies
differently. To make sure they know
how far pregnant the mom-to-be is
they count pregnancies in weeks.
This is why you might hear that a
pregnancy lasts 40 weeks.
This also helps split the pregnancy into three stages
called trimesters.
FIRST TRIMESTER
first 13 weeks or 3 months
SECOND TRIMESTER
start of the 13th week to the end of the 27th week
THIRD TRIMESTER
start of the 28th week to the due date
Each trimester will be very different for her. Here’s a closer look at each trimester.
The First Trimester
In the first days and weeks, the baby needs to find
the right place to grow. It will start as a microscopic
group of cells and turn into a baby the size of
your thumb by the end of this stage.
Half-way through this stage, the new mother will really
feel pregnant, even though she may not look it yet.
YOUR MOVE
This is a good time to learn to have patience. There may be many days when she feels
lousy, but things do get easier! If you can help her through these days she’ll remember
your good help.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
15
Because her body is changing and getting ready for the whole nine months, know
about these changes and conditions she’ll feel during this trimester-
TIREDNESS
LACK OF ENERGY
MORE FREQUENT URINATION
BACKACHES
HEARTBURN
MORNING SICKNESS
HARDER TO HAVE A BOWEL MOVEMENT
HER BREASTS WILL FEEL FULLER
A WORD ON MORNING SICKNESS
Don’t let the name fool you. Morning sickness can come at any time, not just
morning. The nausea and queasiness mean she’s feeling miserable. Think
about how you feel when you have a stomach virus and feel like you’re about
to throw up. Now imagine how it would be to feel like that all day long for
many days in a row.
The nausea will sometimes lead to vomiting. Hopefully most foods will stay
down. Try to help her decide what drinks and foods make the situation better
or worse.
Some helpful hints for you and her:
Eat smaller and more frequent meals
Drink fluids throughout the day to keep from being dehydrated
Make sure she gets plenty of rest during the day
Remind her it’s not a good idea to lie down right after eating
Remind her to not skip meals
Remind her that tobacco, alcohol and spicy foods will make it worse
Ginger, lemonade, watermelon and even potato chips might give some relief
Have her talk to her doctor or nurses about safe medicines that will treat the nausea.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
The Second Trimester
Things are looking good during this stage. The baby’s heart
is beating strong. The morning sickness phase and chance
for miscarriage have passed. There’s a better chance that
the baby will develop fine and be healthy.
Here are some changes she may notice:
She has more energy
She may feel winded or short of breath, since her lungs are getting
more crowded by her growing womb
She’ll gain weight more quickly, about four pounds each month. This
weight gain is normal and good for your growing baby
Her belly is getting bigger, and her hips are getting wider
She will start to feel the baby moving at around 16 to 20 weeks
Her breasts are growing larger as the milk glands grow
Her skin is changing color due to more blood flow
She may feel your baby having hiccups
If this is her first pregnancy, she may go through part of this trimester without
showing too much. Once she gets halfway through (20 weeks), it should be pretty
obvious to everyone that she’s pregnant. Just before this point she’ll probably have
an ultrasound that carefully looks at the baby’s development. The ultrasound can’t
guarantee that everything’s perfect, but it’s very helpful.
16
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
17
The Third Trimester
The final trimester is all about growing. Just when she
thinks there’s no more room, she‘ll grow more. The doctor
will carefully track that both she and the baby are growing
the right amount.
Here are some things she may notice:
She’ll have more trouble sleeping and getting comfortable
She’ll be tired more often
The baby might painfully push down into her pelvis and onto her bladder
She’ll have more lower back pain
She may have some Braxton-Hicks contractions that help her body get
ready for real labor
The baby takes up a lot of room, making it harder for mom to breathe
She may have heartburn more often because her stomach has less room
She will have gained weight, especially in front of her
She will have aches and pains
These stages, the three trimesters,
are a time of change. The mother-
to-be will need your help, patience
and understanding during all three
stages. Be there for her.
MedicineNet: Pregancy Stages Pictures:
1st, 2nd and 3rd Trimesters:
medicinenet.com/stages_of_pregnancy_pictures_
slideshow/article.htm
Parents: Pregancy Stages:
parents.com/pregnancy/stages
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
FEELINGS
Feelings for the
Baby's Mother
Whether she’s your wife, your girlfriend or even
someone you don’t know all that well, you now
have a relationship with this woman who is to
be the mother of your child. It’s natural for men
to become even more attracted to their wives/
girlfriends when they’re pregnant. That special
person is carrying your special child. You’ll be
surprised how proud you can be for her. After all,
she’s doing something very special for you.
Your Baby,
Your Concern
This is your baby. Make sure you
get a chance to help make plans and
decisions during the pregnancy.
You’re the dad. Think of boys and
girls names you like. Think of names
that sound good now and will sound
good in the future, and first names
that will go well with your last name.
18
Don't be afraid
to share your
excitement or fears
with your friends
and family.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
19
YOUR MOVE
Here are some things you can do to help and become
more involved as you wait for the big day:
Buy a special gift for the new baby
Buy a special gift for the big brother or sister of the new
baby to let them know they aren’t forgotten and that their
help will be appreciated
Think of a gift to give the new mother that will be special for her
Check with your employer about taking time off for the
delivery and the few days after
Talk to your employer about paternity leave so you can
have time off to help with the new baby
Go Figure!
Remember that her body is
changing. You know how women
attach a lot of importance to
their figure when they aren’t
pregnant. Now her figure is
changing. She’ll enjoy being
pregnant, but not all the time.
Let her know that you still find
her attractive and that you love
her even more. She’ll need to
hear that a lot — probably more
than you expect.
Pregnancy and Intimacy:
Can They Go Together?
Sexual activity is safe during pregnancy. It can be just as exciting and fulfilling. Just
like when she’s not pregnant, though, there will be times when it seems like a great
idea and times when it’s not. You might be surprised that many women enjoy sexual
activity more when they’re pregnant.
You‘ll both find that the types of sexual activity you can enjoy will vary depending
on how far along she is in the pregnancy. Some positions are just not possible at the
end of pregnancy. That doesn’t mean you can’t have sexual activity up to the end. It
just means you need to find what works best for the two of you.
There are some times, though, that sexual activity is not allowed in pregnancy.
Make sure you’re talking with her, so that you understand what limits she might
have. Remember, communication is the key!
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
?
She's Miserable. How Can I Help Her?
Think of all the reasons you might be upset or miserable if you were pregnant. If
there were times you couldn’t move, leave the house or do the things you like to
do most, you’d be miserable too.
Try your best to be caring. Go with her to doctor’s appointments. Listen to what
the nurses and doctors say. Remind her she’s doing a great job.
Don’t be afraid to ask family or friends for help--especially if the doctor has told
her to back off on the activity. Friends and family should be happy to help.
What about Me? I Have Feelings Too!
You can feel lousy too. It’s okay. Don’t feel guilty. But you probably need to
understand that there won’t be much sympathy for you. That’s just the way it is.
She’s the center of attention. When you’re tired and feel overworked and under
appreciated, don’t get too down. You’re more appreciated than you realize.
It’s important for men to feel respected and needed. If you’re getting the wrong
messages, speak up. Don’t keep your feelings in and build up resentment. The
best way to get the feedback you want is to reassure your girlfriend or wife that
you love her. Comfort her even when you might not feel like it.
20
She can help you by keeping you
involved in her life. She should
tell you what she’s thinking and
feeling. She should tell you
a b ou t h er conversations with
her doctor that involve the baby.
Advice for Expectant Fathers:
webmd.com/men/features/advice-for-expectant-fathers
National Center for Fathering:
fathers.com
Parenting: Dadvice: The Ultimate Collection of
Advice for Fathers:
parenting.com/blogs/pop-culture/shawn-parenting/
dadvice-ultimate-collection-advice-fathers
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
PROBLEMS IN PREGNANCY
21
IT CAN HAPPEN
With proper care, being thoughtful to the mother’s health and fitness, and knowing the rights and
wrongs of pregnancy, problems can be very rare. But that’s not to say they won’t happen. Here are a
few of the more common problems that can come up. Know about these conditions and teach yourself.
PRETERM DELIVERY
A baby born between weeks 20 and 37 is
called a “preemie.” Most pregnancies are
full term and last between 37 and 42 weeks.
Preemie babies may need to spend weeks or
months in the hospital. As they grow, they
may be more at risk of developing learning
problems and diseases such as diabetes.
Some babies are born premature
because the mother’s water
broke early or she had preterm
labor. This is when she has strong
cramps or contractions too early.
SYMPTOMS OF PRETERM LABOR ARE:
Cramping (like during her period)
Contractions (when her whole belly gets
tight and painful)
Vaginal bleeding
Low, dull back pain
Pelvic pressure
Preterm labor can happen in any pregnancy, but
there are times when it’s more likely:
If she smokes, drinks alcohol or uses drugs
If she’s under a lot of stress
If she’s underweight before and during her
pregnancy
If there’s physical, sexual or emotional abuse
If she has untreated infections
If she gets a sexually transmitted disease
STOP
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
22
PIH (or preeclampsia)
PIH is short for pregnancy-induced
hypertension. This health problem is
a type of high blood pressure that
can happen during pregnancy. If it
becomes worse, you might hear the
term severe preeclampsia or toxemia.
If she has PIH, her blood pressure will rise and her body
will hold onto more water, causing her hands, feet, and
ankles to swell. If she has PIH she needs to be watched
closely. This can be done at home, but it’s usually in the
hospital. High blood pressure can cause serious health
problems for her and the baby.
Watch out for these signs that she may be getting PIH:
Swollen, puffy hands, feet and face
Rapid weight gai
n
Change in vision; She may see bright lights or dark spots
Pain on the upper right side of her belly
Headaches that don’t go away with acetaminophen (Tylenol®)
Sick to her stomach feeling
If she has any of these warning signs, call her doctor right away.
To treat PIH, her doctor may suggest rest in bed, a stay in the hospital
and even having the baby early.
DIABETES IN PREGNANCY
Diabetes is a disease of high blood sugar. Some women develop diabetes during pregnancy because
of the changes in the body. This is called gestational diabetes. Obstetricians check every patient
for this about half-way through the pregnancy.
Some women may have diabetes already before they become pregnant. In both cases it’s important
to get as much advice from doctors and nutritionists as possible. Every pregnancy with diabetes
is different.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
Diabetes in pregnancy can lead to:
Babies that gain too much weight
A greater chance of a C-section
A higher chance of the baby needing to stay longer in the hospital after delivery
A higher chance of the baby having diabetes later in life
REMEMBER THIS
If these problems are ignored,
there’s a greater chance of the
baby dying before being born.
THE GOOD NEWS
The blood sugar of a pregnant woman
with diabetes can be kept at the right
level. There won’t be harm to her or
the baby if that happens.
TIP-OFF
Here are some tips if she’s diagnosed
with gestational diabetes:
Make sure she keeps all of her doctor’s appointments
Make sure her doctor has her see a diabetes specialist
Make sure her doctor arranges for her to see a nutritionist
Help her learn how to check her blood sugars
If she needs medicine like insulin, encourage her to stick
with it
WebMD’s Pregnancy Related Problems
Check Your Symptoms:
webmd.com/baby/tc/pregnancy-related-
problems-check-your-symptoms
March of Dimes: Preterm Labor:
marchofdimes.org/complications/preterm-
labor-and-premature-baby.aspx
Gestational Hypertension (PIH):
healthpages.org/pregnancy/pregnancy-
induced-hypertension-pih/
American Diabetes Association®:
Diabetes:
diabetes.org/living-with-diabetes/
complications/pregnancy
23
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
24
PRENATAL MYTH BUSTING
FIVE MYTHS OF PREGNANCY
There are many myths surrounding the mysteries of pregnancy. Here are
five that we tear down and tell you why they just aren’t true.
MYTH BUSTED!
Your girlfriend or wife
will be miserable during
the whole pregnancy.
This is not true at all. There will be plenty of times (mostly
at the start and end) when she is miserable. There will be
many more times, though, when she’s happy and feeling well.
Life, as you know it, is over.
Again, not true. Make the baby part of your life. If you like
to go out to dinner or visit friends, you can still do that. You
will still be able to live your life and be who you are.
Whatever happens happens.
Many people think that the baby’s health is out of their
hands. Not true. The difference between a small, preterm
baby and a strong, healthy baby often comes down to the
choices you make as parents. Take care of yourselves and
your baby will be healthier.
Preterm babies are not a
big deal.
You want to do all you can to have a strong, healthy baby.
The closer your baby is delivered to the due date, the
stronger she’ll be. Preterm babies can have many problems
in the hospital. It might be a long time before they can
come home. Even if they make it home safe there can still
be a chance they’ll have other problems as they grow up.
I won’t be able to afford
this baby.
You’ll be able to make ends meet. Don’t panic about money.
Take time to talk with your partner about the items you
need for the baby and the cost. Make plans ahead of time.
You can do it.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
25
FIVE MISTAKES AND HOW NOT TO MAKE THEM
IT WAS ALL A BIG MISTAKE
These are common mistakes a lot of first-time dads make. But they’re
easily fixable. You just have to want to.
MISTAKE HOW NOT TO MAKE IT
Not taking time for
yourselves
Make sure you spend time doing some of your favorite
things (especially if this is your first baby), while also
letting her enjoy the things she likes. Pay attention to her
likes and needs but don’t neglect yours along the way.
Not getting involved
You’re the dad so play an active part in the pregnancy! Help
your baby get a good start in life. Don’t look back and wish
you had been there.
Forgetting your importance
Mom may be getting all the attention, but remember that
there wouldn’t be any baby without you. Set an example
by being there during the pregnancy and delivery. You’ll
have a big role in the future as the father of this baby — let
everyone know you’re up for it during the pregnancy.
Not looking for ways to
improve your health
Are you a smoker? This is the best time to change that
habit. Do you eat too much fast food? Find healthier foods
to eat. If you start good habits, she will too. Your health
is important and it’ll help you keep good choices in mind
when it comes to your child.
Not helping her with her
health
She might need you to be the one to remind her to take her
prenatal vitamins. If she has bad eating or sleeping habits,
this is the time to fix those. She is your baby’s home. If
she’s a smoker, put your foot down and let her know the
dangers that can cause for your baby.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
26
DOWN THE HOME
Final Preparations
WHAT ELSE DO I NEED
TO DO TO GET READY
FOR THIS BABY?
Think about taking childbirth
classes. They teach you more
about what to expect during
the delivery. You’ll get a tour
of the hospital and you can
bond with other parents-to-
be. Parenting classes are also
available in some areas and
offer helpful lessons.
Talk to your family and friends
to see if they have items you
might need in your baby’s first
year. Maybe they can loan
them to you if they no longer
need them.
TIP-OFF
Do It Together, While There’s Still Time
You’ll always remember the days you spend
together before the big day comes. Try to find
meaningful things to do together.
1.
If you like going to the movies, make sure
you do that now.
2.
If there’s a day trip that you have always
wanted to take, do that now.
3.
Go for a walk or a hike together.
4.
If there’s a holiday coming, go find
decorations together.
5.
Visit your best friends and family.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
27
GOING THE
DISTANCE
Gearing up for Baby
Here is a checklist for some things to get
together for your new family member.
STROLLER
CAR SEAT
CHANGING
PAD & TABLE
BIBS
BOOT
IES &
SOCKS
HOODED
BAT H
TOWELS
BABY
RATTLES
A THERMOMETER
BASSINETTE OR
CRADLE
DIAPER RASH
OINTMENT
BABY
WASHCLOTHS
OUTFIT FOR
BABY TO
WEAR HOME
BABY BOTTLES
BABY WIPES
TRAVEL
BAG OR
BACKPACK
BABY
SHAMPOO
SMALL
BLANKETS
DIRTY
CLOTHES
BASKET
CRIB
CRIB
MATTRESS
MATTRESS
SHEETS
DRESSER
FOR BABY
CLOTHES
PA JA M AS
BABY
LOTION
BOTTLE
BRUSHES
DIAPERS
LIQUID
BABY SOAP
BABY
BAT H T U B
EXTRA
WASTE
BASKET
BURP
CLOTHS
Newborn Baby Checklist:
baby-checklist.com
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
28
STAND AND DELIVER
Planning for Delivery
Even mothers who have had babies before can be a little anxious when the time
comes again. Being ready for childbirth helps lessen the fear factor.
You may have a general idea of when your baby will be born. It’ll most often be
within a couple weeks of the due date. Be ready. Make sure your work knows
you won’t be available. Remember, this is your big day too. You won’t have another
chance to see your child’s birth. Your child will want to hear your voice.
YOUR MOVE
Here’s your last-minute prep checklist:
Make sure the mom gets rest. It may be hard to do, but ask others to
pitch in and help.
Make sure she eats regular, small, healthy meals. Keep up her strength.
Stay close to home. Try not to be more than an hour away.
Make sure you can be found and contacted at any time.
Remember that you’ll be needed on this day, so don’t underestimate
your importance.
Help her decide who’ll be in the room for the different stages of labor.
Help her put together a list of people you’ll both want to call during
labor and after the baby is born.
Make sure you have a camera ready.
Help her think about things she’ll want while in the hospital.
Hairbrush, toothbrush, loose clothing to wear home, slippers
She might also want some pictures of her other children
Relaxing music
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
29
If You Have Other Children
Plan who will care for them while mom is giving birth and recovering.
Talk with them about what to expect when the new baby comes.
Signs of True Labor
Though signs of labor may be different from woman to woman, here are some common ones
to understand.
BLOODY SHOW
She may notice a slightly brownish, pink or red stain on her underwear or toilet tissue. This
shows that she may have lost the mucus plug from her cervix as it thins and opens.
RUPTURE OF MEMBRANES
This means that the bag of water around her baby has broken. She may feel fluid coming
from her vagina. Some women feel a big gush. Others feel a little leaking. If you think her
water has broken, call her doctor.
TRUE CONTRACTIONS
Unlike the practice contractions she had earlier in her pregnancy, true contractions get
stronger and more frequent. She can feel her whole womb squeezing. Some women say they
feel like a belt is getting tighter and tighter around them.
Are the contractions coming less than 10 minutes apart? Do they take her breath away? This
may mean that true labor has begun.
PAIN IN HER LOWER BACK
She may feel a pain that gets worse in her lower back. This back pain spreads to her lower
belly and maybe even to her legs.
If she has any of these signs more than
three weeks before her due date,
call her doctor. She may be in
preterm labor.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
30
The Big Day
What should you expect when you get to the hospital for your baby’s birth?
Keep in mind there will be doctors and nurses who have done this many times.
Even if things seem hectic, they’re always monitoring the mother and baby.
The staff may need to take some time to make sure mom’s in labor. If she’s
scheduled for a delivery they’ll still need to get some paperwork in order.
YOUR MOVE
Ask someone to help you keep hospital visits short. Having too
many people around can be too much stress on both of you. Let
people know you appreciate their concern and that they can
visit when you get home.
Early on in labor there are some medicines that are safe and can take the
edge off a little for mom, if needed. Sometimes they help, and sometimes the
contractions are too strong for them to help.
When she’s in good strong labor, she may decide to have an epidural. She’ll
talk to nurses and doctors about this ahead of time. They’ll help her decide if
she needs one.
Most babies are born through their mother’s birth canal, or vagina. But
about one in every three babies in the United States is born by C-section,
or Cesarean section.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
31
WHAT’S AN
INDUCTION?
There are times when the doctor will
decide it’s best to deliver the baby
right away instead of waiting. This
means the doctor is planning for an
induction, or to induce. The doctor will
use medicines that safely bring her into
labor. Generally, there should only be
an induction if there is a concern for the
mother’s or the baby’s health.
Ready Or Not, Here I Come!
Whether it’s by natural childbirth, with an epidural or by C-section, the baby is going to
come. You are mom’s biggest cheerleader, her supporter and her sideline coach. Stay out
of the way of the doctors and nurses working hard to deliver the baby, but be there and
make sure mom knows how proud you are of her and how great a job she’s doing. Then
greet your new son or daughter. Congratulations, Dad!
?
BabyCenter: A childbirth cheat sheet for dads-to-be:
babycenter.com/0_a-childbirth-cheat-sheet-for-dads-
to-be_8244.bc
A Dad’s Role in Delivery:
babycenter.com/0_a-dads-role-in-delivery_183.bc
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
DAY ONE AND ON...
The Big Day Has Come and Gone. Now What?
Nervous? Excited? Overwhelmed?
These are normal feelings when you bring your baby home from the hospital.
You may feel a little left out if everyone is placing all their attention on the baby. This is also
true for any other children. You may have family and friends knocking at your door, eager
to see your baby. Let other children in the house know that they are still very important.
The baby may need some extra attention, but that doesn’t mean big brothers and sisters
shouldn’t get the attention they need.
32
The Crying Game
It’s normal for new babies to
cry for one to five hours a day.
Sometimes it’s hard to calm a
baby down. Ask others to rock,
hold and comfort the baby to
give you a little break.
THE GOOD NEWS
Crying usually lessens after the
first few weeks of birth. You’ll
soon learn what your baby
needs and be able to respond.
REMEMBER
IT’S NEVER OKAY TO
SHAKE A BABY!
If you feel frustrated and
that you’re losing your
temper, calmly put your baby
down. Call family or friends
and say you need a little
break. Go for a walk, read a
magazine or watch TV. But
never shake your baby. Even
one shake can cause brain
damage or worse for life.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
33
Period of Adjustment
The days and weeks after your baby is born will be a period of adjustment for all of you.
The work gets harder now. But the payoff is well worth it.
Now that the baby is born, mom’s body will start to return to the way it was before she
was pregnant. Know and remember that for the first six weeks, the body is still more like
a pregnant body than not.
The Baby Blues
While her body is recovering, she will also go through the normal, healthy feelings of having
a new baby. It’s best to expect that every new mother will be somewhat emotional as they go
through this time. They call this the baby blues.
Many moms feel low or let down when they leave the hospital. There’s not any special reason
for this sadness. It tends to come and go quickly. Don’t let her worry too much about why it
happens, and don’t let her feel guilty.
If she has had depression before or during pregnancy there is a strong chance she will again at
this time. She may have postpartum depression.
SIGNS OF POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
Feeling sad, “down,” or depressed
Trouble sleeping
Not interested in things she used to enjoy
Feeling guilty
Loss of energy
Having trouble keeping focus
A change in eating habits
Not taking care of herself or the baby
Thoughts of harming herself or others
There is help
for postpartum
depression. If
she has any of
these signs,
have her call
her doctor.
Don’t let these
feelings go on
for a long time.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
34
The Breast is Best
DO I NEED TO
KNOW ABOUT
BREASTFEEDING?
One of the important choices the new mom will
need to make is whether to give your baby breast
milk or formula. It’s good for her to get the facts
so she can decide. The choice is very personal and
should be one that works best for her and the baby.
There are several good reasons to breastfeed. Breast milk is the perfect food for babies. It’s
packed with the right mix of nutrients and proteins that can keep your baby from getting sick. It
also helps the mom bond with her baby.
A great benefit is that it’s free. You don’t have to pay for baby formula when the baby is feeding
on just breast milk.
And a secret, nice thing about breastfeeding for dads is that they don’t have to do it. You might be
stuck doing other chores, but feeding the baby is clearly one you get a pass on for a while.
Baby’s Doctor Visits
It’s important to plan regular visits to the pediatrician
to make sure your baby is growing well. There are also
shots (immunizations) that protect your baby from
disease. These are all planned ahead of time. The
pediatrician will give you a schedule and you’ll need
to help keep it.
The mom will need to see her doctor for a follow-up
visit about four to six weeks after she gives birth. Write
this date on your calendar to remind yourself. This visit
is as important as any of the other doctor’s visits.
Advice for New Dads:
babycenter.com/advice-for-
new-dads
BabyCenter: Postpartum
depression and anxiety:
babycenter.com/0_postpartum-
depression-and-anxiety_227.bc
WebMD: Postpartum Depression:
webmd.com/depression/guide/
postpartum-depression
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
35
SAFETY FIRST AND FOREMOST
KEEP YOUR BABY SAFE
Your baby needs you to protect him or her. Here’s how to
keep your baby safe.
REMEMBER
Never place your baby in a high place unless a grown-up is right there. Even newborns can
move suddenly and fall off beds and changing tables. They can fall out of baby seats when
not strapped in.
Choose pets known to be safe around babies. If you have a pet already, always keep a close eye
out when the baby and pet are together.
If you have a dog, let it sniff the baby’s blanket before you first bring your baby into your home.
YOUR MOVE
Give your baby a safe place to sleep by
setting up his room even before birth.
DO THIS:
Buy or borrow a firm mattress and a crib,
cradle or bassin
ette that follows safety rules.
Make sure the sheets fit tightly.
Never place your baby on sofas, waterbeds,
sheepskins or other soft areas. They can
cause your baby to stop breathing.
Don’t use soft bedding, pillows or stuffed toys in your baby’s
sleep space.
Use a light blanket and tuck it in the sides of the crib.
Keep Your Baby Safe
Set the room temperature
so your baby isn’t too hot
or too cold.
Make sure your home
has smoke detectors
and carbon monoxide
detectors. Place them on
each level of the house
and near bedrooms.
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
36
PLACE YOUR BABY IN
A SAFE SLEEP POSITION
Your baby will be safer if you follow
these rules:
Put your baby on his or her back
to sleep for naps and at night,
unless your doctor tells you not to.
Place your baby in the “foot to
feet” position in the crib, with her
feet at the foot of the crib.
If you use a light blanket, tuck it
in around the crib mattress. The
blanket shouldn’t be any higher
than your baby’s chest.
Baby can be placed on his or her
tummy when awake. This is often
called “tummy time.”
KEEP YOUR BABY AWAY FROM
CIGARETTE AND CIGAR SMOKE
Smoke is very unsafe for babies.
Don’t smoke around your baby or their sleep space.
Don’t let others smoke around your baby or their
sleep area.
If you do smoke, do it outside, away from the baby,
and make sure you wash your hands and change
your clothes before handling the baby.
USING A BABY CAR SEAT
You can’t leave the hospital without a
car seat. You can buy or rent one. Or
call your local health department to
see if you can get a seat at a low cost
or for free. Once you get the seat, put
it in the car the right way.
Safe Kids Worldwide™:
safekids.org/infantsafety
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
CREDITS AND RESOURCES
ONLINE RESOURCES FOR NEW
DADS AND DADS-TO-BE
Dads Adventure
dadsadventure.com
National Fatherhood Initiative
fatherhood.org
Baby Center
babycenter.com
Great Dad
greatdad.com
Fatherville
fatherville.com
New Dad Guide
newdadssurvivalguide.com
Special thanks to Dr. Brad Lucas for his
research and contributions to this book.
© 2012 Centene Corporation. All rights reserved. All materials are exclusively owned by Centene
Corporation and are protected by United States and international copyright law. No part of
this publication may be reproduced, distributed, displayed, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or
otherwise, without the prior written permission of Centene Corporation. You may not alter or
remove any trademark, copyright or other notice. MCARE14-00021E
DAD: LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
DAD
LITTLE WORD, BIG DEAL
Your Guide to the Father Situation
Are you sitting down? You’re going to be a father!
This book details all things fatherhood and gives
you useful tips and strategies for making the process
go smoothly.
Your baby is counting on you, Dad.
This book was printed
on recycled paper.
HONORABLE MENTION
WINNER
MADE IN THE U.S.A.
ISBN: 978-0-9846841-4-4
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